EQUANIMITY
Maintaining an equal feeling towards my two daughters is the focal point of my practise of dissolving the feelings of attraction and aversion that the concepts of "friend, enemy or stranger" so easily conjure up inside my heart. Them, and some irritating correspondents I receive messages from occasionally.
How to feel equal to all these? Well, for now it is impossible to class the correspondents in the same category as my daughters, and indeed there is no need - the concept does not need to be thrown away - I can still label a person an irritant - but the aggression, the inappropriate behaviour: all these things are only harms to myself, and my spiritual purpose.
Many parents will tell you they feel equally to their children, but on the whole they are lying I think. Why would the tendency we have outside the family - to have favourites, people whose company we enjoy more than others - be somehow magically evaporated once you crossed the threshold of your front door? No - don't believe that nonsense, people always try to delude themselves.
Yet I feel great trepidation at even considering this issue in an honest matter - as though the admission of the fact becomes the primary cause of it's own being, feeding the very fire I want to put out. So with great delicacy and care do I meditate on the differences in my attitude and treatment of my children. This is part of the practise of equanimity - not fuel the idea that flames out to burn me, but douse water on any idea that seeks to put prejudiced favour of one before the other.
Douse it with what? With truth, with the absolute understanding that every human being is created with an equal desire for happiness, and an equal right to it. At times the demand of one can outshine the other, and one can appear to give favour, but in essence that moment of decision is based on circumstances, based on a consideration of many things - NOT based on a feeling of feeling better with one rather than another.
Anyway, I am being obtuse as one day those little creatures might even come to read this - so for today that is enough. It was useful to write about it, as I have a clearer understanding of a few things now.
How to feel equal to all these? Well, for now it is impossible to class the correspondents in the same category as my daughters, and indeed there is no need - the concept does not need to be thrown away - I can still label a person an irritant - but the aggression, the inappropriate behaviour: all these things are only harms to myself, and my spiritual purpose.
Many parents will tell you they feel equally to their children, but on the whole they are lying I think. Why would the tendency we have outside the family - to have favourites, people whose company we enjoy more than others - be somehow magically evaporated once you crossed the threshold of your front door? No - don't believe that nonsense, people always try to delude themselves.
Yet I feel great trepidation at even considering this issue in an honest matter - as though the admission of the fact becomes the primary cause of it's own being, feeding the very fire I want to put out. So with great delicacy and care do I meditate on the differences in my attitude and treatment of my children. This is part of the practise of equanimity - not fuel the idea that flames out to burn me, but douse water on any idea that seeks to put prejudiced favour of one before the other.
Douse it with what? With truth, with the absolute understanding that every human being is created with an equal desire for happiness, and an equal right to it. At times the demand of one can outshine the other, and one can appear to give favour, but in essence that moment of decision is based on circumstances, based on a consideration of many things - NOT based on a feeling of feeling better with one rather than another.
Anyway, I am being obtuse as one day those little creatures might even come to read this - so for today that is enough. It was useful to write about it, as I have a clearer understanding of a few things now.
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